Dear American family,
We are so sorry for kidnapping your family and executing two of your loved ones. Unfortunately, one of our associates broke several cardinal rules of our company and failed to do adequate research before committing this grave mistake. We strive to be open and inclusive in our kidnappings and killings.
To rectify our mistake, we tied up the individuals responsible and placed them in a vehicle for the authorities to arrest and uphold the law in Mexico.
Be assured that this will not affect the drugs supplied to your country. We will continue supplying the most addicting illegal drugs into your country for your youth to destroy their lives. We look forward to our continued success and respect for the American people. A tax free donation has been made to BLM to show our respect for your country. Please contact bigcocaine@gmail.com for a press release kit.
We are an equal opportunity cartel and do not discriminate. We support the LGBTQRSTUVWXY and Z community.
The CIA and FBI responded with a joint statement:
Today we lower the rainbow flag half mast and mourn this terrible tragedy. We urge all Americans to stay fully vaccinated and work from home if possible. Rest assured, justice will be swift and transparent.
The Department of Homeland Security released a statement:
Rest assured, we stand with the LGBTQRSTUVWXY and Z community. Through our efforts at securing the border, we understand and continue to work with the drug cartel. We remain diversified and our cultures continue to build and work through these difficult times. God speed!
Some have suggested that the individuals traveling into Mexico might have been connected to the drug trade. This has not been confirmed and is just speculation.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.