Fear the bull with crooked balls.

See legend has it that whoever owns this particular bull family/breed, will die by the bull. Notice that in this bulls family one ball is bigger than the other. Which can unbalance the mind in man and the bull. In other words the bull is ornery. Never turn your back to the bull. Never!

One day David came home to the family farm from a day of selling insurance. It was a shitty day, because a deal fell through over a potential client not wanting to spend 4 dollars more on uninsured motorist property damage. The minimum any fool must have is 25,000 dollars of uninsured motorist property damage. For fucking 4 dollars the bastard would not buy the policy. So David said, “fuck it, I’m not selling you insurance” because, he had certain standards of covering his clients ass.

So the redneck left his office yelling, “Geico kicked your ass, dumb ass.”

Months pass by and into David’s office one morning some redneck chick with a tight pink shirt and big tits walks in crying. “Sir, you where so right on my husband needing to carry Uninsured Motorist Property damage.” David abruptly sat up in his chair and asked, “what happened.” “His uncle Charlie had sideswiped her husband on some back road and her husband crashed the truck into a tree, totaling their only truck,” she cried. Of course uncle Charlie never had insurance. Inside David laughed to himself, while giving her a big comforting hug and getting a free titty squeeze.

Redemption and a great day at the office. David drove home that day munching on a chocolate pop tart. “Don’t fuck with me,” he yelled out the window. It was good to be alive.

Pulling into his long driveway he parked by the big fenced in bull corral. He climbed over the big sturdy beam fence and yelled at the bull. “You worthless dumb bull,” he yelled. He picked up a small rock and threw it at the bull. “Who in the hell buys a bull with crooked balls. I’m selling your dumb ass,” he yelled. In his over excitement David stepped in bullshit. He laughed out loud and yelled,” I guess you got me.”

With one hand on the fence David worked the stick in between his shoe treads to release the bullshit.

“Never turn your back to the bull,” David thought.

All 1200 pounds of pure bull reached top speed. The bulls hind leg muscles pounded into the hard pastures sun baked dirt. His left big ball bounced against his right small ball causing extreme discomfort. Maddening discomfort and humiliation. Catching David as he just placed his right foot on the horizontal fence post. About in the small of the back. The left horn of the bull entered David’s right side and the bulls left shoulder plowed David through the heavy fence. Skewered like a shish kabob. The bull paraded past the kitchen window with Davids limp body. His chest compressed with no strength to gasp for a breath of air.

Davids wife Marjo grabbed the shotgun and jumped on the four wheeler and sped full speed after the bull. Their rescue mutt chasing behind. She rested the shotgun on the handle bars and aimed at the bulls balls. Boom. Snot blew out the bulls nostril and his balls were no more. The bull skid and did a crazy 180 turn trying to attack Marjo on the four wheeler. The rescue mutt attacked the bulls legs in the dusty arena and accidentally got trampled by the bull and the four wheeler.

David was semi-conscious holding onto the horn that protruded from his stomach. David mumbled, “shoot that son of a bitch again.” The bull and Marjo faced each other in the arena. She pumped another shell into the chamber. The bull charged and she rolled off the four wheeler. As the bull passed with David dangling in agony. She fired a round into the bulls side. Then she pumped another round and another. The bulls legs were splayed in the grassy field and David’s head gently touched the soft green grass.

David would go onto live a good life, but you can bet for sure he would never buy another bull with crooked balls.

That evening in the hospital after surgery and still groggy from the anesthesia he mumbled, “never turn your back on the bull.”
And that my friends is bullshit!